So are the days of my life!

I have had a very interesting couple of weeks! After going through the dismal experience of yet another colonoscopy last week, and trying to recover from the flare-up it caused, I had the the joy of having a CT scan yesterday.

Of course, this couldn't go as planned...like most things in my life, lol. I had the confirmation phone call on Monday saying to be at the hospital for 9:15, a few minutes early for paperwork. I thought "awesome, I can sleep in a bit", oh how silly I am! I wasn't told that I had to drink 2 litres of contrast in 2 hours and then get hooked up to an IV contrast for the scan. Oh wait, did I mention I was suppose to write a make-up test at noon from Monday? That's right, because old man winter decided to seize an emergency brake cable in my truck (if I could drive backwards legally, I would have!). Side note: Kind of explains why my truck got stuck last week and why the brakes were sticking, hmmm....hindsight! So...in my small amount of panic, I called my dear mom for some damage control. She emailed my teacher saying that I was essentially at the mercy of the hospital and might not make it to my test. Thankfully, and quite surprisingly, my teacher said not worry, I can make it up Wednesday morning. She also said that I was quite the awesome girl and a trooper...this from the woman that I thought despised me! Hopefully she likes me enough to pass me!

Here I am now; my tests written, only my MRI to go next week, and my truck fixed! Thank goodness! Now what??? I was getting used to the chaos! Things are going to be boring now! I don't even have any gifts left to wrap, geez...maybe I'll go make a snowman! :)

Jell-O Sucks Today!

So here I am, on a liquid diet because I have a colonoscopy scheduled tomorrow morning. As I was reading over the directions on what I can and cannot eat, I got hungry...I mean starved! (I am really hungry right now actually, and have you ever noticed how many television commercials revolve around food!!) I am allowed to drink Powerade, clear juice, soup broth, ginger ale, jell-o, and that`s it! I just shoveled the driveway and I`m exhausted...probably going to have a nap soon! :)

I understand the importance of doing this prep for the procedure, which is why I haven`t cheated and ate bread or anything yummy! I`m just hoping I don`t keel over from lack of food! I`ve been trying to think of what meal I want for after my procedure tomorrow...could be anything from pizza to seafood! I`m used to eating 6 to 7 times a day because of the diet that I follow and my Crohn`s disease, so this is just torture!

I still have the second stage of this hell tonight. Should be an interesting night, thank goodness we have 2 washrooms in the house.

I have a CT scan and MRI coming up, at least there`s no crazy prep for those, just no liquids or food for 2 hours before...that I can handle. This, I may perish! lol

CCFC Educational Symposium!

On Sunday, my mom and I attended the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation Educational Symposium. I missed it last year, actually...I chickened out last year from going. I don't think I was quite ready to grasp the Crohn's community and embrace it.

It was such an eye-opener! Seeing that 100% of the fundraising efforts that the CCFC does, goes straight to research! This is so important to ensure that all that money is getting used to the maximum. And, because of that money, some researchers are on the brink of some serious breakthroughs. There are new genes that are being identified as possible contributors to Crohn's and Colitis. This means that soon, maybe, there may be a way to isolate these genes and eliminate the symptoms of C & C.

Also, I learned a heck of a lot about Probiotics! These could save me from being a very, very sick girl! I'm on 4 different medications right now, one of which being Imuran, an immunosuppressent. The probiotics may boost my immune system and help the rest of my body to function on a healthier level. If my body can do less work being healthy, it can concentrate on healing the Crohn's lesions and extra-intestinal manifestations! Very exciting for me! I'm also going to get my family started on probiotics, there is an awesome website that explains everything about them by Allison Tannis, RHN (who's originally from Barrie!) www.allisontannis.com.

It's good to see that there is hope out there for a cure or, at least, a chance at maintaining my Crohn's without harmful pharmaceuticals!

That's all for now!

So,..here we go again!

Well it's going to be a long couple months! I went back to my gastroenterologist last week and I've been put on a crazy array of medications; Prednisone, Cipro, Flagyl, and Imuran. I also have a colonoscopy, CT scan, and MRI coming up in the next month. Whew....this should be interesting.

So far, I've actually felt alright; no weird side effects from any meds. As long as I don't get puffy from the Prednisone, I think I'll be OK with any of it.

I had a little breakdown last week, well a couple little ones to be honest, but I've come to terms with it all and am ready to take on my Crohn's from this angle. My doctor seemed really positive that he could help me get better started a week or so after I start my medications.

I am also part of a study, called REACT, that is to help my doctor and I treat my Crohn's in the best way possible. Every 2 months I will be filling in questionnaires, a follow-up on 6 months, and the number and email of my research nurse for any questions I may have. I'm feeling hopeful again that I can live a "normal" life. That's a scary thought though, after having Crohn's for 12 years I'm not sure what "normal" really is. I think that's what I'm most afraid of is adapting to a life where Crohn's won't be the focal point and the thing I can't escape from....I might be able to do more things; like travel, long canoe trips, random, spontaneous things that everyone else seems to do!!!!!!! Fingers crossed! :)

I have a great group of people around me that help me everyday, they know who they are, and I thank them from the bottom of my heart! :) xo

On the Up and Up! :)

Well I'm going to gloat a little bit! I have been in a really good mood for the last couple of weeks. Karma must be on my side or something! It started with my health making a 180, work picking up a bit more, meeting someone, starting Taichi and getting a little perspective on things thanks to the CCFC.

I'm not sure how my specialists are going to like my going off any form of medication, but I don't care...I haven't felt this good in months! I've researched a lot of different methods and the pros and cons of everything so I'm educated when I have to sit down with them. That feels pretty good, to know where you stand and being prepared.

Next, a couple personal painting jobs that I'm doing quotes on and working for my older drywall boss when I'm not painting. Money doesn't make the world go 'round, but it's sure gonna help!

And then, "someone"! Ya, well...I'm going to keep that to myself, but it's going really well!!! :) Looks like it's going to be a good winter!

The CCFC has given me a renewed hope, ya...that's cheesy but it's true! I've become acquainted with some awesome people and been able to talk about having Crohn's and the different types of treatments every one's gone through. It makes going through things a lot easier and it's been great creating awareness for the cure.

Then the Taichi!!! This one I'm really excited about! I've only had 2 classes so far but I am totally connecting with something and I feel more self-aware. I look forward to the classes for some calm and centering. Apparently I'm a natural too! lol

So that's it...a happy, happy, joy, joy blog because that's how I'm feeling! :)

There's Always Something, but hey...I've got Qigong!

So I've had a bit of a break through with my Crohn's; don't take anything! The natural medications that I was trying were not working, actually...they may have made things worse! I've decided to quit all of them but try to pick up the antibiotics once-a-day for the bowel sinus tract cysts...the jury is still out on whether that's working or not, though.

Since last Thursday I have improved greatly, my stomach isn't cramping after I eat and, well...the other stuff is "regular" (if ya get what I mean!). I am debating about going back on the B12 injections though because of the erythema nodosum that is affecting my lower legs. Side note: erythema nodosum is a painful condition where small bumps and bruise like lesions occur on the lower legs, mainly, and swell and also causes very sore muscles. The B12 may help the blood flow and iron levels which may, or may not, lessen the severity of the lesions. I've also research a few other possible treatments but, I'll spare you anymore textbook babble in case I've bored anyone already! :)

I started Taichi and Qigong last night! That was an awesome experience! I've not only learned the first 8 moves of a 16 move Taichi sequence but I've also learned how to calm my mind and start to be more self-aware of the way my body moves. I was actually able to relax my back enough last night to realign a couple discs in my back, more like pop them in place, actually.

I am hoping with more classes I will be able to get rid of the blockages in my body and get the energy flowing throughout the way it should be. That may help with the erythema nodosum and the edema problems too!!!!

That's about it for now, I was starting to feel a little down but, I've come out on the shiny, happy side again! I've gained a mantra that has helped me a lot. It's really simple and makes sense to me; Just Be. I repeat this no matter where or what I'm doing as soon as I feel my self get a little high strung about something, keeps my calm. :)

One Step Forward and....a Bunch Back!

So just as I was starting to think I was on track with maintaining my Crohn's. I've had a little bit of a set back the past few days. Not only has my stomach gone crazy, but a whole new thing has crept into the equation...extreme pain from what I think is my arthritis. Which is a little odd seeing I've never had more than a sore knee here and there.

Hmmm...adding it to the list for the specialist in a couple weeks. I'm starting to think that I might need to suck it up and take some pharmaceuticals, before that though...I'm going to save some money for a consultation with a holistic specialist. I can't give in that easily, can I!? :)

I was planning on going to my first class in Qigong tonight, but at last, my gut wasn't letting it happen. This is the last thing that I want, is for new things I want to do, or even the old things I want to keep doing being affected from my Crohn's.

I went to my first meeting last Thursday for the Simcoe County Chapter of the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation...it was very inspiring! Meeting people that have the same problem that I do, and know what I'm talking about without any of us being embarrassed! There were some really good ideas that I'm going to discuss with my specialist. And, I am volunteering at my first event...The M & M Meat Shop on Minet's Point is hosting a BBQ the CCFC this Sunday the 24th. I've also been able to call in a friendly and get posters put up in the Georgian College pub advertising the event and the month of November, being awareness month.

So, trying to keep the positive attitude now matter what gets put in my way...or how frustrated I get! It's a pretty tough road to travel right now, especially trying to do my classes and work, but head up, right!? I can't feel terrible forever, and tomorrow's another day! :)

The Human Spirit is an Amazing Thing.

It's almost midnight, and I should probably be asleep, but I'm sitting here flicking between CNN, CP24 and any other news that's broadcasting the Chilean miner rescue. I will admit that I have let myself become totally absorbed into this and I'm not ashamed of it. Of course, I have to listen to Anderson Cooper and Larry King spew nonsense journalist blabber about stuff they probably has no clue about!

I am completely blown away that these 33 miners have been able to survive 69 days over half a mile beneath the surface of the earth! The cameras that are in the mine are showing these men in amazing spirits; they're hugging each other, giving each other high-fives, and smiling, true genuine smiles. I would've assumed that by this long at least a couple of them would have had cabin fever or panicked and attacked someone. (I guess it's true what they say when you assume something. ;) These men have supported, taken care of, and helped each other to ensure each of them was able to make it to this day and no one was going to be left behind.

I haven't even tried to put myself in their shoes, honestly, I wouldn't want to. What these men have had to go through is beyond what I can imagine and my heart goes out to them and their families. All these news channels are going on and on about how the miners are going to be mentally damaged and may not be able to recover. I beg to differ! If all 33 miners were able to keep themselves together for this long, take on tasks to ensure the safety of the others and have the mental strength to endure the unimaginable, I think they're going to be fine!

The human spirit can conquer the worst things when it's pushed to the limit. It shows unbelievable character of these men that have overcome being trapped underground. It makes the insignificant problems in life seem meaningless and the good things in life, well...even better! If these men can go on smiling after their ordeal, I think we all can.

Only 2 miners have made it to the surface so far but I'm sure everything will go smoothly to make sure all the men and the rescuers make it safely to the surface to reunite with their families. Hope is a powerful thing!

Found My Cause!

I have had one of those days where everything seems to fall into place, even though you weren't expecting anything to happen at all. The past two evenings I have gone over to Cunningham's to help her put together a display board for a wellness fair that she was asked to be a part of today at Wood's Park Care Centre. I went back this morning to put it all together and then we were off to the fair to set it all up. (Side note: I am very proud of Mandy, she's done such a good job with getting her massage business going and is going to be very successful!)

While I was there, and after I was able to stop playing with the therapy dogs, I looked around a little bit. The vendor that stood out was the CCFC, the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of Canada; I got a little excited about this! Finally, I was able to talk to people face-to-face about Crohn's and they would understand what I was talking about. Steven and Shawn were the two guys representing the CCFC, Shawn has Crohn's and has gone through three surgeries to get better...we high-fived to our situations with Crohn's. I totally appreciate my friends and family who are there for me when I'm not feeling well and who listen to my issues but, there is something that is instantaneously bonding when you meet another person with the illness you have.

I've decided to start attending the CCFC meetings and begin volunteering for them also. The first meeting I'm going to is the 14th in preparation for the next M & M Meat Shops fundraising BBQ. I'm excited to meet other people who have Crohn's and to be proactive about my situation. I have a feeling that this is going to be a very positive thing, which is exactly what I've been striving for...something to apply myself too and educate others on an issue. I'm hoping to benefit from this in many different ways; to help my treatment, meet new people, volunteer and fund raise for something important to me and to create awareness of a serious problem.

Oh, the other things that happened; I went to the costume store, almost settled on an expensive one, and found a Betty Boop costume and wig for only $15, I got a couple emails that made me smile and was able to find a pair of work boots that I've been wanting. Ahhh, I must've done something right for karma to offer me such a good day. Plus, it was just an awesome fall day! How could it go bad!? :)

Mom & Daughter Outing in the Search of Apples.

Saturday my mom and I were heading out of town for a little apple adventure to Meaford. I've never been to the Meaford Apple Harvest Craft Show, my mom has several times, and I am always up for a little brainstorming session for my personal art.

We took to scenic route through Duntroon and Nottawa hitting up Redpath's to get the best Honeycrisp apples I've ever had and The Morrison's for squash from their honour system wagons, I love small towns!

After getting stuck in some major road construction traffic for about half an hour, we finally made it to Meaford. We didn't buy anything at the craft show, but I did score a bunch of soapstone scrap that I've got some great ideas for. We also walked away with some other ideas, as the saying goes "nothing in art is original, it's just changed". I think I'm going to be busting out my oxy/acetylene torch for some steel art work and I have a couple ideas for some copper sculptures!

On the way back we decided to take a detour, to avoid the menacing construction, heading down Country Rd. 7 to the 119th. Of course, we had to stop at Farmer's Pantry to visit the miniature donkeys...if you knew my mom or myself, you'd understand that we have a little obsession with donkeys, they're so frickin' cute! (This is where I was planning on putting a photo I took of one of the donkey's, but I can't figure out how the hell to get the thing to work!)

We continued on to the 119th towards the Blue Mountains where we stopped at the top to scan all of Collingwood. Out of all the years I've lived in this area, even when I lived in Stayner, I've never been to the top of the Mountains until Saturday. It was an amazing view! My mom and I were hoping that the fall colours would've been a little better, but it was still a great view. (Again, this is where I'd have another photo!)

We took a walk through The Village before we decided to head back in town to make sure dad would get his dinner in time! :) I love doing things with my mom and being able to show her all the back roads and the places I've painted was pretty cool. If only I could get the photo's on here, I could show you all!

Hitting the Trails with My Bestie and The Doggies.

I had a great day today! My best friend, Mandy a.k.a Cunningham, called me today and asked me to go for a jog. Cunningham and I haven't had a chance to catch up and get together in almost 2 months, so it was a great surprise to hear from her!

After a little chat session at her house (maybe with or without a glass of wine), and a lovely greeting from her 11-month old husky/border collie mix, Dexter, we decided to get our butts on the road. A quick stop at her mum's house to pick up her other dog, Maggie, and we were hitting the trail. That was a flashback moment! We went for our run at the Hydro Hills in Midhurst which, the last time I was there, was a weekend bush party locale in high school...and still is! (Side note: I might try and convince someone to come with me and clean up part of the trail. There's so much garbage that it almost ruins the trails).

There are some great trails back there, despite the garbage in the party zone. Some of them are double track, some are single track and there are some that require someone to be quite nimble and agile. And, of course, the hills...the long, grinding, hurting hills!

It was encouraging to have Dexter and Maggie lead the way, then double back to see if we were still coming, then run laps around us. Maggie was the pace setter, she was happy to trot along in front of us while Dexter tore off ahead to check out the next turn. We just had to keep on chasing them down. Mandy and I weren't nearly as graceful jumping over logs like they were, but it was a great time.

After the initial pain at the beginning of the run, Mandy and I settled into our pace and everything was starting to feel pretty good; the legs were steady, breathing was even...then, we hit the hill! Yep, this one is a doozy. Loose rocks, washouts, wet leaves and an intense steep climb...it's a leg and lung burner! It took a couple to recover from that one, but then we were back at it, and stonger than before.

I think I've found my running partner in Mandy, and the dogs, and we were already making plans for another run before we were done todays'. Might do some of the Bruce Trail on Monday and both Mandy and I are going to start scoping out more trails for some good running.

I found that runner's high after today's run and was feeling awesome. I can't wait for the next run!!! I think I may have found the exercise that is going to keep my centred and healthy. Trail running combined with my other lifestyle changes should make for the start of a great "new" me!

Running for Terry Fox with 4-year-olds??? Yep, that's what I said!!

So, tomorrow, yours truly will be running with a gaggle of junior kindergartners for Terry Fox. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I'm doing it for my niece, Paige, and for the peace of mind for her parents. I think Paige is starting to get an independent streak and my brother's wife is worried she needs extra supervision...so in steps Super Auntie Mans to the rescue!

I'll get my exercise too, get a little jog in on the way to her school...try to herd them during the run, then get a little job back home. Geez, I hope I can handle these kids. I haven't babysat little kids in a while, especially not in mass quantities! I might need to nap before I go to dodgeball! lol

It was worth hearing my niece get really exciting when my brother's wife told her that her Auntie Mans was going to be running with her! She's done nothing but talk non-stop about Terry Fox and what she's learned about him, she's going to be a little pinball tomorrow.

I'm excited, this should be interesting! :)

The Many Roads to Happiness!

If you've been reading my blog, you may have noticed a change in my attitude lately; in earlier blogs, I would sit there and vent about something that ticked me off that day. Now, I've started to focus on the things that have made me happy! It's amazing what a change in attitude and a small adjustment in lifestyle can bring.

It's hasn't even been a week since I've decided to try a new direction in maintaining my Crohn's but...I've felt better in the past few days than I have in a month! I didn't realize just how much I was focusing on feeling ill instead of what I could do to make myself feel better. So, a week ago yesterday, I decided I needed to do something about it.

I let myself down and was giving into the self-pity that I loath so much. I used to always let myself have a moment, focus on how bad I was feeling and then get over it and do something proactive to change how I was feeling. I had lost touch of that and was spiralling downwards. Then, came the fantastic change! It's true what they say; sometimes you have to hit bottom before you pick yourself up and move on.

I hit that point, and now I've moved on! I have attempted before to focus on positivity and the good in bad situations but I now, feel like I was never putting in the effort required to really make a difference. Since I've started my own treatment and really, really focused on maintaining a positive outlook, I can see and feel the difference. I think it's the 'feeling' that I've noticed most! I have been trying a new technique of relaxing my body and calming my mind and I truly believe that I'm even more in touch with my body and my self than I ever have been before.

I feel like I've had a major revelation that is only going to get stronger and stronger and have a serious, positive impact on my life. I have finally let go of the negative feelings that I've been harbouring for way too long and, when I was able to do that, I literally felt a weight lift from my being! I don't know how to explain it, exce that I feel like I'm walking with my head higher, a lighter step and a truly natural smile on my face.

I've learned to tap into the movements of my body and understand how my body moves, how my mind comprehends things and how I've been perceiving things. I know it may sound kind of hokey to some people, but to the people that have ever experienced this...well, here's an unspoken moment between us because I really can't explain it any better!

I know this is a long-winded blog tonight, but it's worth it! I feel like I need to pass this feeling around in hopes that others may "get it" also! :)

Out with the Negative, In with the Positive!

As I've been on this search to improve my Crohn's, I've also decided that I need a huge attitude adjustment! It's not that I'm a downer and always thinking of the worst, I've always considered myself prepared for the worst but hoping for the best. Not exactly the best attitude to overcome things!

My eyes have been opened to the concept of focusing and constantly being diligent about concentrating on positivity. I've begun to research articles about the techniques used in visualization and getting in touch with my inner energy. One article I read said it may take up to 6 weeks of dedicated visualizing to see results! But, as with anything, it will all pay off in the end.

I've also bought a new book that teaches the techniques of something called Quantum Touch. It's considered a type of meditation, as I've understood it, and teaches you to pull the energy from your body to your hands where a 'vibrating' will occur. Once this sensation is accomplished, you place your hands on various points on your body to heal ailments and illnesses while focusing on positivity.

The other technique is energy tapping. This uses the combination of a personal positive mantra and tapping on pressure points to turn negative energy into good. It's similar to Reiki.

I am reading the Quantum Touch book right now and learning how to control my breathing and energy throughout my body. Now I realize this won't happen overnight, but baby steps is what I'm going for here! The more I can tap into my personal energy and use the focus and visualization techniques, the more I can control the connection between my mind and body and really engage and benefit from a positive attitude.

Wow, kind of exciting! :)

Making Progress with Treatment Options!!!

So, my excessive research seems to be paying off! I've found more natural treatments that may actually be able to benefit the maintenance of my Crohn's.

I've created a list of all the supplements I've found so far and included all of the research notes that I've gathered on each, respectively. Now I have some ammunition when my gastroenterologist tries to push pharmaceuticals on me. I can come back at him and ask why these natural ones won't work. I'm hoping to be educated enough on as many different ones so I sway him into a natural treatment path.

Some of the supplements I found include:
- hemp seed oil
- aloe vera juice (which I am currently taking 2 oz daily of)
- goldenseal (which may be the next thing to try)
- flax seed oil
- licorice root
- ginger root
- lactobacillus acidophilus
- oil of oregano

I'm hoping that a combination of some of the above, diet and exercise with improve my Crohn's symptoms and lessen my flare-ups.

Fingers crossed! :)

F-You Doctors, I'm doing this all myself!

As you may or may not know, I have Crohn's disease; a real "crappy" stomach disorder. In general, my body has a hard time digesting food, absorbing nutrients/minerals and maintaining healthy living. My weight fluctuates at random, I've lost 7 pounds this past week, and problems with my complexion in a constant issue too, not awesome for a 30-year old woman! I also have what they call 'extra-intestinal manifestations'. These present themselves as edema, eyrthma nedosm, anemia, acne and could have been the cause of my kidney stone a couple months ago.

So, now that that's all explained...I have decided, finally, to treat myself with holistic, natural remedies. I was on 16 pills a day at one point, steriods that made me puffy and antibiotics that made me even more sick. Needless to say, I'm done with whatever drug my doctors are going to push at me! I have an MRI, ultrasound and 4 doctors to see in the next 2 months so I can't wait until I tell them that!

I have done a lot of research and reading into different natural medications that help different aspects of Crohn's and related stomach ailments. I've found a wide amount of options, which is so exciting! I've decided to start with aloe vera juice which helps heal stomach lesions from the inside out and also benefits skin complexion and hydration issues. I have also started taking B12 injections to up my B12 levels, which are drastically low causing some major fatigue and edema issues. Next thing I'd like to try if these work well for me might be something called Goldenseal capsules which directly aid in repairing intestinal problems.

Of course, medication alone is not going to help reverse my symptoms of Crohn's. I've altered my diet by eliminating red meat, pork, excess ruffage, refined sugars, deep-fried foods, alcohol, caffiene, sweets and blah, blah, blah....there's a lot of things I've changed and even things that I've added! I've also decided to suck it up and get back to some serious exercising regardless of how much it may hurt! I am doing some serious stretching in the mornings and evenings, trying to run 3 times a week and continuing with my weight training and stability work. I'm also going to get more involved again with yoga and back to meditation.

I've noticed over the past three weeks that my health has taken a downhill slide. It's been since I've gotten back from my trip to Miami and Bahamas, actually! My attitude has also taken that slide too. I used to be a person that can take almost anything and work through it. I even said that a week ago! Now, I feel like I am falling apart a little more each day which is not going to help my stress level and that always affects my Crohn's! I need to get back to focusing on myself and my health to ensure that I don't fall into the negativity and ill health again.

So there we are, another blurb about my life and the thing that makes me who I am. I've learned that I can't escape Crohn's and that I'm going to have to deal with it for the rest of my life. This disease has defined who I am for over 12 years now and I've got a lot more living to do! If I don't start really taking care of myself from the inside and out, both mentally and physically, I'm not sure how long my body's going to last!

If anyone else has any advice or suggestions, I am a sponge! Help me out, I can use anything you've got!

I think I might be blogging about this for a little while, I find that this helps me get my brain straight and work out some issues...who knew "talking" to my laptop could do such a thing?! :)

Pain = Gain!!!

Well it seems I'm getting back to my usual self; the person that pushes herself 'til she almost breaks and doesn't know the meaning of stop. Ah, feels kinda good...slightly painful, but good!

I went to Killarney last Saturday and had an amazing yet punishing canoe and hiking trip. We went to the French River Tourist Centre then the Trading Post before preceding to Johnny Lake. It was an awesome day, perfect for paddling, the water was really calm and the sun wasn't too hot. We were about an hour and a half with three short portages to get us to the start of the Silver Peak trail. I thought I was holding my own on the trail and doing really well, until we took the infamous left turn! I still didn't think it was too bad, then, we took another turn...this time straight up! We were climbing over rocks the size of truck tires for what seemed forever. It only took and hour and a bit to reach the top, but I seriously thought it took a couple years off my life!

Once we reached the top though, it's a whole different attitude that you take on. I felt no pain, I felt calm and even a little proud of myself. I have to admit, I sucked it up and let the great person I was with help me over some rocks instead of being my usual bull-headed self.

On the way back, everything hurt even more. I finally bonked when the last part of the paddle was over, I actually closed my eyes or stared at my blade in the water so I wouldn't see how far we were from the end!

It was an awesome trip! I had a really great time and learned to stop being so stubborn sometimes and accept the help offered to me. (Thanks for that ;)

Now, another weekend has come along. The Oro Fair tomorrow night, which I've never been too even though I've lived in Barrie for over 16 years! Then my Hillsdale ball tourney Saturday and riding for Terry Fox on Sunday. I might have to remember my lesson from last weekend! I haven't been on my bike in a very long time but, gotta start somewhere right! At least I'll be getting into shape for the cross-country skiing and snowshoeing season! ;)

Getting Back Into The Great Outdoors!

So, as of recently, I have met someone that I have an immense amount of things in common with! One major thing, loving the outdoors. It's been a while since I've been able to actually go on hikes, canoe and do the things I used to love doing. My Crohn's has limited me to doing the minimal amount of activities.

But, alas, I have met someone who is very involved in the outdoors and is willing to put up with my problems and, for once, has more experience than I do in the outdoors!

I hope my Crohn's stays in check and allows me to really enjoy the day, the person I'm with and not embarrass myself on the side of a trail! lol

I also hope that he knows what he's getting himself into! ;) Who knows, maybe I'll be back on my bike sooner than I thought too!

It's ironic how things work out in the end.

So, I'm back from the best trip possible to turn thirty! South Beach, Everglades, Key Largo and a cruise to Bahamas with 3 awesome friends...well so I thought.

Everything was great during the whole trip. I thought I was having that revelation moment I mentioned in a prior blog on the first day of the cruise, the 27th of August, my birthday. I was surrounded by 3 awesome friends and having a great day around the pool followed by a wonderful dinner. As the cruise went on I thought, as did 2 of the other people, that things were rocking and all was well. Then everything came to fruition on the last night. I'm not going to get into specifics to save face and have the remaining respect for the person that is left. But shit went down, I have now parted ways with a good friend and am left with a void in my life. I'm not sure if things are going to come full circle and apologies offered. If they don't, I know where I stand.

I am a strong, independent, thirty-year-old women and things are meant to happen for a reason. I think I may see what that reason is, and if I haven't seen it yet, I'm sure I'll see it soon.

If all else fails, I came away from the trip with another friend that I know for sure will be a friend for life! Things happen for a reason whether we like it or not. It's how we deal with it and learn from it that matters. So this experience will only make me an even better person and help me strive for what I want and to continue on the path I am, which is the path I know is right for me!

And in the end, I had an amazing trip and still got to enjoy my 30th birthday with that friend before we parted ways. I will not let any of those issues taint my milestone birthday. I will remember all of the good times and only those!!!!

Going to Miami!!!

I am so excited for Tuesday...I am heading the Miami with 3 of my good friends!

All three of them are teachers so this is their final summer hurray, for me...it's my 30th birthday! We're going to be in South Beach for 3 days then heading out to sea on a 3-night cruise to the Bahamas! This should be a really fun trip, we're all really good friends and compliment each other, or balance each other in other aspects.

I've already accepted the whole turning 30 thing, maybe I'll have another life epiphany directing me which way to go in life. I always seem to have life-altering revelations when I'm traveling.

So, here's to the trip with awesome friends, turning 30, and new places traveled...can't wait for whatever happens!!!

Turning the big 3-0!!!!

So in 20 days, I am turning 30!!!!

I had problems with this as soon as I turned 29. It took me until about 3 months ago to come to terms with it, but I have!

I'm actually getting excited about turning the dirty-thirty! For once in my life I feel confident, comfortable and at peace with where I am in life. Things haven't worked out the perfect way that I may have wanted them to in the past but I am feeling pretty damn good about what I've become!

I feel like I've matured into a decent person and am making choices based on what's best for me, not for the people around me! I've spent way too much time in the past concerned with what the person I'm with will think or what other people might think about me that I lost myself a couple times. Ok, more than a couple!

I've let go of any vices or issues that I've had in the past and focused on what will make me happy and what is the best for me...and only me!!!

So here I am, ready to go into the next phase of my life...the 30's! I have no doubt that my 30's are going to be better than my 20's, and I can't wait for it!!!

Kidney Stone = Worst Pain Ever!!!!

So yesterday morning I had a sudden....let's call it an attack....that had me almost doubled over in pain and resulting in me throwing up my granola.

I am not a puker and I can handle a lot of pain, so this threw my for a loop. Did I mention I was in the work truck on the the way to Hunstville too? Ya, that was awesome. I had to work all day in the heat and I wasn't feeling great. I ended up rallying throughout the day and felt better when I got home. Then....it hit again, and even worse!!! I ended up going to the hospital at 10 after only being in pain, intense pain, for half an hour.

Thank goodness that I had a great triage nurse, Shelly, though...she got me into emerge right away! Within 15 minutes I had a bladder scan, blood taken and was waiting for a doctor. Even though it only took about an hour for the doctor, I was in soooo much pain that I threw up again! Awesome, wicked, lots of fun! Once he saw me though, he did something wonderful...ordered me up an IV for morphine and some other pain killer that started with a 'T'! Pain was virtually gone, I was happy and on to the CT room! That was kinda neat too.

It took a couple more morphine uppages waiting for the results. I have a 2mm stone in my left kidney, no obstruction and it's moved downwards. Wicked, now I have to self-medicate until it passes! I was home, tucked in bed and a little loopy at 4:30 a.m. And I'm still kinda loopy cause of T3's!

So this means no rugby this weekend, kinda sucks!!! I just home I'm not prone to kidney stones because I can't handle that pain!!!

Working Vacation!

So here I am, in Huntsville doing a paint job with the company I work with. We're staying up here, by we I mean myself and 3 forty year old dudes that I work with, they're my brother-friends (meaning we are almost like family but we're friends, and they treat me like their little sister!).

I've been up here for only 2 days so far, and suppose to be here until the 27th where I'm leaving for 3 days to attend a wedding (oh joy, so excited...sarcasm is dripping from me as I type). Of course, that depends on the weather, which is crucial when painting exteriors of 24 townhouses. If rain is the case, I still think I might stay up here! I left Barrie with not such a great experience from a friend of mine being shitty and I like being away from her drama.

It's not so bad up here. We have a great "cottage" that we're staying in. It's barely livable with it's 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 bathrooms, granite kitchen, fireplace, BBQ and porch, but we're somehow making the most of it. I've adjusted to getting up at 6 in the morning and going to bed at 9:30, which I'm sure is something I haven't done since I was a kid!

We've all got our morning and nightly rituals figured out so we're not stepping on each others toes, and having a couple buds to have after-work beers with doesn't hurt. What does hurt though is my back and these bruises that keep on appearing out of nowhere! Ah well, such is life being a painter, I think school started to make me too soft!

I'm taking this "vacation" from Barrie as a personal break from some things...things that I need to figure out, probably before I go back too. I'm sure at some point I'm going to think about these things, but for now...I'm enjoying just working and not thinking about anything other than what's for dinner!!!!

Tough Decisions In Life

There always comes a time in life when you'll have to choose between two things. Sometimes these things can be an easy choice and other times really, really tough!
I think I'm having one of these times. I have tried all the normal things that go hand-in-hand with decision making; weighing the pros and cons, picturing the outcome of both decisions, and trying to picture my reaction to either decisions. None of this seems to be working! I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and not sure which direction to go.
This has happened to me before, but I've never been so worried about making the right decision. I think I know the choice, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for it.
How do you know if you're ready or not? Oh goodness, decisions, decisions!

Thank Goodness For My Gurls!!!

If any of you are reading this, you may know that I'm not a girly-girl. I'm what some may consider a guys-girl. I seem to get along with dudes better than I do with chicks. I'd prefer to watch a game a pub having a beer than gossiping and painting my toenails. Not that I don't do girly things from time to time, I just usually save the shopping and toenail-painting for my personal time.

That being said...I am soooo lucky to have a few ladies that I consider the best friends a girl can have! These ladies are Marianne, Melissa, and Mandy (I just realized that they all start with M, and most people call me Mans...hmmm, the irony!). Anyhow, I had a great girly experience tonight with Mandy. Neither of us were feeling great after Saturday night antics and we almost canceled our plans, thank goodness we didn't! Mandy and I watched two "chick flicks" and made some dinner! I know it sounds really simple, but this is something I cherish doing with her! We sit there and chat for a bit, make fun of each other, have some wine, and then have a couple tears over some movies (the movies being Away We Go and Julie & Julia).

I am so fortunate to have times like these with my girlfriends! They keep me centered, feeling like I'm normal, and loved. No matter what I do or say, sometimes I don't even have to say anything, these girls know what I mean and know how to respond. If I didn't have these friendships, I may seriously fall apart!

It's comforting to know that these girls are there for me, as I am for them. Which would be to the end of the earth and back! I don't go out on a limb for many people, for for my girls, I would do it blindly!

I hope everyone has people this good and amazing in their lives also, if not...you're missing out! No matter what happens, I will always have my gurls!!!!!

Didn't see that one coming!

So here I've been, merrily navigating life, focusing on myself and enjoying the things that come along...then, bam! I'm caught with my head down! Someone I used to date and I have been hanging out, finally at the friendship stage (at least that's what I thought) when the bomb is dropped and the past has to be brought up again. I seriously thought I could get away with the past staying in the past. But noooo, things don't work out like that for me. So I've been thrown off course again and am sitting here, while I should be doing homework, feeling crappy because 7 months ago I made a choice and hurt someone. I know I made the right decision, but I feel so bad that this person is still hurt and feels so bad.
WTF, how do I go back to the whole concentrating on myself and not worrying about others anymore!? I really liked being in that mind-set, I need to get back there to find my sanity again!
Shit is too stressful right now with school finishing up, trying to figure out work for the summer and finding a place to live! Why right now, I'm sick of this being tested crap!

The "List".

So, the other night my friend and I were talking about how we used to have lists that we would compare guys to. After trying to throw out the list and date guys that wouldn't have fit the list, we are still single and having no luck. We decided that we should try making an anti-list! The previous list, for me, might have had some of these things on it:

1. Have a job
2. Have ambition
3. Treat people well
4. Be nice to me
5. Try to be understanding
6. Don't have any serious drug or alcohol problems
7. Don't be a clinger
8. Have friends that you enjoy spending time with
9. Be somewhat humorous but not annoying
10. Have a life outside of your relationship
11. Having a vehicle is a bonus
12. Having a house that isn't your parents
13. Be clean
14. Have good personal hygiene
15. Have an idea of style
16. Be active and athletic
etc......

I can keep going, but I think you've got the idea!
So then, the anti-list would be something like this:

1. Have a job
2. Be nice to me
3. Don't have any serious drug or alcohol problems

Yep, that would sum it up! So after we put this list together, we're expecting some great guys to come along...and we'll never think of the previous list, honestly!!!!!